"You're Sorry...Really?"

"You’re like the thief who isn’t the least bit sorry he stole, but is terribly, terribly sorry he’s going to jail."             Rhett Butler - Gone with the Wind

Rhett's admonishment of Scarlett pretty much illustrates my views on the "I'm sorry," and as everyone chimes in on Alex Rodriguez's letter of apology, it seemed a good time to reflect on whether there is such a thing as a sincere apology. Too often I have seen the "I'm sorry" being given with the same ease as one would say "hello" or "goodbye," or used to diffuse a situation, acknowledge an accident, or used as a "get-out-of-jail-free" card. Whether it is sincere, or offered out of habit or attached with exemptions, it is a curious expression of regret.

The "Forced...apology" is most unreliable, and often used by parents and teachers as a "teachable moment" for those children who need that shove toward accepting responsibility for their actions. It is an important learning experience knowing when and why to offer apologies, however, at some point, especially for the chronic troublemakers, a more consequence-based approach may need to be consistently employed. "If it happens again..."

The "BUT...apology" is used often...I had to, I had siblings! Once you know when to apologize, it is harder to accept why you need to without deflecting or qualifying your actions. Sorry for pushing my sister, BUT she was bugging me. Sorry for denting the fender, BUT the other driver was so slow. Sometimes the "buts" are more to avoid hurting someone's feelings, almost altruistic. Sorry, I would go out with you, BUT I'm going out of town. Sorry, I didn't tell you, BUT you're so touchy. The "Sorry, BUT..." apologies are really hard to take seriously.

The "habit...apology" is more a common courtesy than an admission of regret. Your brother is howling with a stubbed toe...Sorry, I didn't see you standing there. A friend is frowning at you...Sorry, I didn't know you wanted to join us. A familiar face stands before you...Sorry, I forgot your name. Ooooh! Sorry..."habit" apologies occur so often, that even if there is a kernel of truth or regret, they are often overlooked or dismissed.

The "honorable...apology" is harder to give because they actually require an action attached, proof that feeling sorry goes beyond the words and into behavioral changes or atonement, making sure it will never happen again. 

So, A-Rod knowing what you know now...if you could go back in time, would you say no to the PEDs or would you just do a better job of covering your tracks?