"You're Sorry...Really?"

"You’re like the thief who isn’t the least bit sorry he stole, but is terribly, terribly sorry he’s going to jail."             Rhett Butler - Gone with the Wind

Rhett's admonishment of Scarlett pretty much illustrates my views on the "I'm sorry," and as everyone chimes in on Alex Rodriguez's letter of apology, it seemed a good time to reflect on whether there is such a thing as a sincere apology. Too often I have seen the "I'm sorry" being given with the same ease as one would say "hello" or "goodbye," or used to diffuse a situation, acknowledge an accident, or used as a "get-out-of-jail-free" card. Whether it is sincere, or offered out of habit or attached with exemptions, it is a curious expression of regret.

The "Forced...apology" is most unreliable, and often used by parents and teachers as a "teachable moment" for those children who need that shove toward accepting responsibility for their actions. It is an important learning experience knowing when and why to offer apologies, however, at some point, especially for the chronic troublemakers, a more consequence-based approach may need to be consistently employed. "If it happens again..."

The "BUT...apology" is used often...I had to, I had siblings! Once you know when to apologize, it is harder to accept why you need to without deflecting or qualifying your actions. Sorry for pushing my sister, BUT she was bugging me. Sorry for denting the fender, BUT the other driver was so slow. Sometimes the "buts" are more to avoid hurting someone's feelings, almost altruistic. Sorry, I would go out with you, BUT I'm going out of town. Sorry, I didn't tell you, BUT you're so touchy. The "Sorry, BUT..." apologies are really hard to take seriously.

The "habit...apology" is more a common courtesy than an admission of regret. Your brother is howling with a stubbed toe...Sorry, I didn't see you standing there. A friend is frowning at you...Sorry, I didn't know you wanted to join us. A familiar face stands before you...Sorry, I forgot your name. Ooooh! Sorry..."habit" apologies occur so often, that even if there is a kernel of truth or regret, they are often overlooked or dismissed.

The "honorable...apology" is harder to give because they actually require an action attached, proof that feeling sorry goes beyond the words and into behavioral changes or atonement, making sure it will never happen again. 

So, A-Rod knowing what you know now...if you could go back in time, would you say no to the PEDs or would you just do a better job of covering your tracks?

Mom's Motto, "You Want Dessert? Eat Your Vegetables!"

Growing up my mother was a good cook serving many meat-and-potato type meals to satisfy my meat-and-potato type dad, however, she knew greens were an important part of the well-rounded plate. And that's where the "ick" would begin. I liked green beans and salads, but using variety, broccoli, brussel sprouts, and cauliflower would find their way on the menu. It wasn't enough that my dad didn't like those veggies, she knew what was best for growing children, and "do as I say, not as 'your father' do" was the ultimate response.

Fast forward to college where I made my own choices for a well-balanced diet. Confronted with pizza parlors, fast food drive-thrus, and dormitory cafeterias, I opted for lots of side salads and green beans, maybe green peas...it isn't green, but corn is a vegetable, right? So, my limited use of the unholy three would be reduced to only if they were raw and slathered in Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing. And brussel sprouts? NEVER!

Then enters post-grad era and a "I've got a great recipe" roommate. Suzanne was the kind of cook who preferred a lighter, natural fare. She made the best roasted chicken and grilled sole, but it was the sides that changed my life. I remember peeking in the kitchen at the broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots on the counter, and spying the ranch dressing in the fridge to help rescue me. Oh, no...oh, yes! They were delicious...steamed to a perfect aldente, lightly sprinkled with her own mixture of spices or just a little salt and pepper. At one bite, I was hooked...but, brussel sprouts? No! Well, maybe...

I am not sure of the exact circumstances when brussel sprouts revealed themselves to me, but I know that it was most likely a situation I found difficult to say no or the napkin was way too small to hold what my brother called "little lettuce heads." I do remember that I was hooked, and even sought out recipes of my own to put brussel sprouts on my plate. From roasting them with squash and mushrooms to sauteing with olive oil and Italian seasonings, these little darlings have become my favorite go-to side. 

My mother's face as I voluntarily and happily served brussel sprouts one Thanksgiving...priceless.

"Fifty Shades of...Gray Hair" Part One "Aging, Growing Old, Maturing"

Aging, no. Growing old, no, NO! Maturing...ok, yes! 

My impression? Maturing is an experience not only reserved for a 1954 Chateau Margaux Bordeaux; it is also one with which a 1954 Kathleen Fowler/Costa is grappling. I am learning that the experience of aging...maturing, is personal, yet, many share a similar disdain for the incongruities between one's inner youthful vitality and the limitations of the outer packaging. Every morning as I roll out of bed, I feel the new day may hold a variety of adventures, but as I creak to the bathroom and stare in the mirror, I am reminded that I may not quite be ready for the task. 

The marvelous French Bordeaux quietly sat on the rack maturing in a cool environment tended gently by an anxious connoisseur more interested in the nectar one day to be enjoyed than in maintaining the bottle. I realize that to sync the inner and outer parts of Kathleen Faye is a nice New Year's resolution, one I've made several times, however, I want to believe "beauty is skin deep..." Does the dusty bottle and faded label effect the quality of the wine? No, not to those who would pay €2100 for the pleasure.

So, how does one better align the two incongruities and move forward into the golden years? The dustier the bottle and more faded the label, the better the wine is perceived to be. As for me, I try to eat my vegetables and limit fried foods; add color to my cheeks and spritz a little fragrance; smile a lot more and...not worry about the packaging. It truly is how you feel, not how you look. 

Sincerely, Kathleen

"I'll Have a Tall Flat White and a Chocolate Croissant"

In contradiction to my "late starts are a common MO," I brushed off the cobwebs on the alarm clock and set it for 7:30. We were informed that cars would need to be moved early due to maintenance crews cleaning carports. I thought the recent windy downpour might make their job unnecessary, but the storm only matted the trash down into the crevices. 

As usual I had stayed up late again, but still was able to get up, even though one eye was difficult to open up and focus. It was, however, well worth getting up early to witness such a beautiful wintery morning, bright with cloudless blue skies all around. A memory flashed in my mind of all the winter mornings getting into the car and heading off to work...a chill ran over my spine.

Turning on the engine, a familiar voice came over the radio; KNBR's Mike Krukow was talking about the SF Giants and the upcoming baseball season. I breathed a sigh of relief, spring is nearing, and I didn't want to get out of the car, so I motioned for Manuel to pop in and keep me company.

How 'bout going for a coffee...McMuffin? I did get up early...I "deserve a break today." So we headed off into the morning rush hour for a morning treat. At I-5 and Ben Holt Starbucks and McDonalds share hordes of morning coffee lovers, and although the drive-thru provides convenience, they were crowded. So, we decided to go inside the newest Starbucks.

I love coffee shops; walking in enveloped by the aroma of brewing coffee with a hint of croissant. It is a more inviting place than the Lincoln Center Starbucks; its size allows for a few little tables with an offering of WiFi and a wide variety of treats to accompany any coffee style you desire. All they needed was a more "pajama friendly" environment...big comfy chairs, Downton Abbey reruns.

Sincerely, Kathleen

Are You Gonna Stay Like That All Day?

How long is too long to stay in your pajamas?

Eight months into retirement continues to leave me searching for a relaxing, albeit productive, daily schedule. The alarm clock has long since been covered in cobwebs, and I have become hooked on late night television. Without a bedtime I have been greeting the midnight morning several times a week, and without the alarm clock my mornings don't really get started til 8:30...9:00? Friday's dreary sky and Manuel making little noise caused me to slumber comfortably until 9:30. 

With a, working people might say late, start I got up to have my morning K-cup of Joe and blueberry scone, and wrapped warmly in my robe, I sat down to catch up with the outside world by watching CNN, ESPN, MLB Network now that baseball season is on the verge. I am comfortable!

I check and file emails; make note of any sales or specials announced by my favorite online .coms; send off replies and messages to keep in touch with family and friends; pour another K-cup...another scone? Talk at the news anchor who just said something stupid; debate top stories with Manuel; "like" Facebook posts, review Twitter; plan my next move on Words With Friends; start the laundry...the dishwasher; do my nails, give myself a facial. I am comfortable with no problems and nothing on the "to do" list. Another cup...What? It's  noon? Yes, I am still in my pajamas...

Comfort is a personal thing. It could be your favorite sweatpants/sweatshirt, old jeans/flannel shirt, pull-ons/t-shirt, silky nightgown and fluffy terry cloth robe. 

So, how long is too long to still be in your pajamas? My rule is...If you are going out of the house to run errands, meeting the girls for lunch...put on your bra and change into real clothes.

Next question, when is too early to get into your pajamas? It is real tempting when the sun goes down.

Sincerely, Kathleen

"Cappuccino Grande for Kat"

The UPS guy finally delivered my bimonthly order of K-cups from Brooklyn Bean Roastery. I have been anxiously waiting for Vanilla Skyline, Maple Sleigh, and Express-O. While exploring all the Amazon possibilities, it was fortuitous finding this variety pack, and recently was able to change my delivery to monthly...I just couldn't wait for these flavored coffees. 

I have been using a Keurig machine for several years because of the convenience, even though, a true coffee afficinado would cringe at my lack of purity. Using my french press would keep me in good standing with coffee lovers, but I never got it right, and don't like to wait. So, my search for the best tasting coffee via K-cups began.

When I first bought my Keurig machine included were a variety of coffees from Green Mountain Coffee. I loved the variety and started an account with the Green Mountain Coffee Express Club, recently renamed Keurig Club. For almost two years I had Dark Magic regular and decaffeinated sent directly to me every month. During that time I discovered Emeril's Big Easy Bold or Jazzed Up, Timothy's Midnight Magic or Parisian Nights, and Green Mountain's Wild Mountain Blueberry. Whether I enjoy my coffee black or with a little sweet cream, piping hot or over ice, small shot or a grande-grande, I enjoyed my K-cups.

I was excited when the little "red solo K-cup" came onto the market allowing me to use my own ground coffee blends and saving the landfill by reducing the number of used K-cups I discard. Especially on the weekends, I was able to enjoy those pre-Keurig coffees like Medaglia D'oro and Illy coffees.

It isn't a cafe in Paris or my favorite neighborhood barista, but I do enjoy coffee...my K-cup coffee.

Sincerely, Kathleen